Are you still there?

Hi.. Do you receive me? Are you still there? I'm.. yes you know. I don't know if you can answer me. Maybe you don't. Maybe you don't want. So.. I thought about I was not clearly good with my friends; I've hidden me to people and I never asked to them an help. I'm not helpless, I only would like to show my self-confidence part. Maybe I think is more helpful for others that the depressive one. not for me, obviously. But, sometimes if I look behind me and I think that I could trust more, in the past. I could try. Maybe that wasn't the right idea, but sure the opposite one is going to kill me in few years. Sometimes I don't ask help because I believe that I can be a disturb. Sometimes because I don't want to seem weak. But who's weak? We are all weaks if we do all stuff by our self. We make mistakes, a lot more, without friends. Without helps. People needs to feel useful for others. It become a responsibility. 

Do you hear me? are you tired? are you bored? I cannot scream but I would like to.. Sometimes people don't understand if you don't show how you are. I keep all inside of me. It's easy but hard. You live with an huge weight. Nobody cares. All is going well. 

I don't really know, I can't use words like "never" or "always", I'm 23 yo so, I wish to live others time still.  But sometimes I ask to me if  there is someone who will go beyond all my protections and says " Oh my god, but you are so weak. Jesus, why didn't you ask me before? You need help. Take it. Let people loves you."

You're a good listener, if you there. Now, I got to go. To bed. All world goes so fast, all people leaves me. I stay here, every time. Like a ghost. I'm a broken girl, but you don't want to see it. Because you need me to grow up like a peluche. I'm not changing. I stay. I stayed.